The Good Husband
 
Jack wakes up with a killer hangover after attending his firm's Christmas Party. 
He doesn't even remember how he got home. It's 8.30. What day is it? 
Thursday. His wife must have gone to work. 
 
As he struggles into consciousness through the fog of a pounding headache, his stomach 
plummets as he  wonders what the hell he did last night.    
He forces himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins next 
to a glass of water on the side table. And, next to them, a little vase of sweet peas, freshly 
picked from the garden.  
He sits up. The bedroom is clean and tidy, - there is no trail of drunkenly abandoned clothes, 
fresh air is coming in through the window and all is serene. He stumbles to the bathroom, also
 pristine, and, squinting gingerly into the mirror, sees that he has a black eye. This is not a 
good sign, but no memories are returning.
As he concentrates hard on getting the world into focus, he sees a post-it note stuck on the 
corner of the mirror. It is written in red, with little hearts on it and a kiss from his wife.
   
"I'll ring your office and tell them you won't be in today.
Breakfast is in the oven. Try to eat something and go back to bed for the morning. 
There's snooker on TV this afternoon. 
Take it easy today; hope your eye doesn't hurt too much. See you tonight. 
I love you, darling! 
Love, Jillian. x"
'He stumbles to the kitchen and sure enough, there is hot breakfast, steaming hot coffee and 
the newspaper.   
His teenaged son is sitting at the table, eating. Jack, bracing himself, asks his son what 
happened the previous night.  'Well, you came home after 3 A.M., drunk and out of your mind. 
You fell over the coffee table and broke it, and then you puked in the hallway, and got that black 
eye when you ran into the door.
Confused, he asks his son, 'So, why is everything in such perfect order, aspirins by the bed, a 
nice note from Mum and breakfast waiting for me?'  
 
His son replies, 'Oh THAT!... Mum dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your 
trousers off, you screamed, 'Leave me alone you slapper, I'm happily married!!

Jason from Knightsbridge wins a Ye Gads cap for this great Joke

who's the daddy?
   
A middle-aged couple had two beautiful daughters but  always talked about having a son.
They decided to try one last time  for the son they always wanted.
The wife got pregnant and delivered a  healthy baby boy.
The joyful father rushed to the nursery  to see his  new son.
He was horrified at the ugliest child he had ever seen.
He told  his wife:  'There's no way I can be the father of this baby!
Look at the two beautiful daughters I  fathered!
Have you been fooling around behind my back?'
The wife smiled sweetly and  replied:
'Not this time!'
 
Rob from Brighton
 
Feeling down in the dumps
 
A new mum is feeling very sorry for herself and tells her
husband that she is fat, bloated and sagging.

She then asks him to pay her a compliment as she is feeling down.

The husband replies...........................







Your eyes are perfect!!!

Andy from Dartford
 
1/2 Truth
 
A little girl came home from school and said to her mother, "Mummy, today 
in school I was punished for something that I didn't do." 
The mother exclaimed, "But that's terrible! I'm going to have a talk with your 
teacher about this ... by the way, what was it that you didn't do?" 
The little girl replied, "My homework." 

Matt from Woking

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