Sometimes it was only through ‘knowing’ what should happen next did my wife and I find some ‘normality’ with our newborn. Our baby was not interested in the strict routines that many gurus recommended, so we muddled through the best we could.

Below is an extract from a real a dad’s diary on the first 24 hours of having his newborn son at home.

First 24 hours at home.

The big day when my wife and newborn were finally coming to join me at home. What I did not expect was that my wife would be in tears almost afraid to leave the comfort and safety of the maternity ward. The truth is she was much more aware of the complexities of a newborn than I was.

3.00pm The first feed at home. Like most new Mums who decide to breast feed this can be a worrying time – especially when your baby does not want to “latch on”. We, well the royal ‘we’ tried for one hour to get him to latch on with no success. I had watched the midwives in the hospital help my wife to feed him and it looked so
straight forward, so naturally assumed that feeding would not be an issue whilst I was there to assist my wife. How wrong could I be!! I went and got the breastfeeding DVD to see what we were doing wrong – however as my wife did not have the perfect perky upright breasts the DVD was no help at all. Now don’t misunderstand me I love my wife’s breasts in fact I think they are perfect. They are however considerably larger than the women on those breastfeeding videos and DVDs. The truth was my wife physically if on her own had difficulty in guiding the nipple into the baby’s mouth. This was due to their size and, perhaps more importantly, the angle of the baby and the position required! Now what do I do? I have a baby crying who is hungry and a wife crying because she can not do what nature intended. So I carry our baby around the house until he falls asleep and try to calm my wife - promising that this situation was normal. The joy of my newborn somewhat shadowed by frustration. Where was the manual?? This one I would happily read.

6.00pm Left breast – managed to get baby to have a few gulps but nothing too substantial. Again we tried to get him to relatch on but for all his (and our) efforts we were not successful. At this point I could not help thinking that breastfeeding was the most un-natural activity on earth. The thought of bottle feeding crossed my mind but at this stage it was not something that I thought I should mention to my wife. Assisted my wife in expressing some milk and spoon fed our boy. (note to self – wife asked me to head out in the morning for a breastpump – how on earth should I know what to get?)

11.45pm Right breast – more tears from my wife as she struggled to get baby to latch on. This time there was limited success – he stayed drinking for a whole 3 minutes!!! Finally we both realised that perhaps both Mum and baby just needed practise. I am sure that the baby needs more than this to drink so suggested maybe
trying the other side. Success again!! Well, he was on and off the breast for about 10 minutes but really Mum really had to work hard to get him to keep re-attaching. Decided that we will call the ante-natal ward as wife and I concerned that baby is starving. They have advised us to spoon/cup feed and keep trying … can I
say how little comfort we both got from this. The only thing that seemed to be of any value was the fact that baby does have wet nappies which means that milk is getting through. The other sign to look at for is that the baby is pooing. They have also advised us to call the community midwife first thing in the morning and
explain what is happening.

3.30am Baby woke us and wife has instantly burst into tears!  She has only been asleep for 2 hours and is dreading having to attempt to feed again. Again we contort my wife’s breast to try and get baby attached …
This time there is no success and the constant crying from baby is getting to the both of us. We have tried  
both breasts with baby lying across Mum, and both breasts with baby under Mum’s arm – we hand  
express again just to get some milk into baby but my wife is now in a complete state. We did try breastfeeding this time for 2 hours!!!

7.00am Right breast – somehow baby managed to be attached for a minute or so for a period of 7 minutes
– quite an incredible result for us. Baby seems slightly happier as does Mum – although she still thinks that the baby is starving and that she is completely useless.

10.00am Left breast - baby wouldn't latch on, after 45 mins trying eventually seemed to be getting some milk. baby and mum seem to be ok.

2.00pm Right breast - still having problems with the baby latching on, wife really upset and tear full, doing my best to be supportive. Hand express just to get some milk in baby, wife destraught but baby happy.

4.40pm The midwife arrives!! We manage to get baby attached and he feeds well for the first time since we have been at home. This time I watched exactly what she did so that hopefully I can assist my wife at the next feed. The following feeds were not as successful and resulted in more tears, tantrums and despair.

 10.00am Her Mum has popped over so I am going to walk to the shops for a break, fresh air and bread! Just as I am about to leave the midwife arrives but my wife insists that I head off. As I frogmarch up the road I  
cannot help but think how stressed my wife will be as she tried yet again to feed the baby and the midwife tries to help. As I approach the front door (a whole 6 minutes since I left)