Poooheeeee!!!! So you are presented with, what those in the know refer to as, a "poo-tastrophe". Your lovely new baby isn’t so lovely anymore, they are caked from head to toe in their own excrement and no one at the hospital showed you how to change a nappy, let alone sort this mess out!

Well here goes……………….

What you will need to change a newborn:

• A changing mat
• Small tub or bowl of lukewarm water
• Cotton wool or cotton wool balls
• Clean nappy
• Nappy sack

Preparation is everything, so get everything you need together before attempting to change your baby. There is nothing worse than getting half way through the process, a thick wedge of cotton wool in hand and discovering you have no nappy sack to put it in.

If you are using cotton wool tear off several pieces, roughly the size of 50p piece.

Ensure that your water is not too hot.

Place your baby on to the changing mat, undo the nappy and grip your baby’s ankles in between the fingers of one hand. Lift up gently, pull the front of the nappy away and try to wipe as much mess away as you can with the inside of the front of the nappy.

Fold the nappy down and place your baby back down on to the clean front side of the soiled nappy.

If you have a little boy take some cotton wool and place it over his penis. If you don’t, you can guarantee at some stage you will get an eye-full.

Take a piece of cotton wool and dip it in to the tub of warm water. Squeeze off any excess water, lift your baby by the ankles again and start to clean them up. (Note: the chemicals in wet wipes can be too strong for a newborn)

If you have a baby girl wipe from front to back to avoid cross contamination.

If you have a boy wipe from back to front making sure that you clean underneath his balls and penis.

Once soiled, dispose of the cotton wool into the nappy sack and repeat the process until your baby is clean.

Lift your baby and remove the soiled nappy placing it into the nappy sack.

Unfold the clean nappy and place it under your baby, with the side with the tabs under their back and the side with no tabs sticking out from under their bum.

If you have a boy, remove the piece of protective cotton wool.

Pull the front of the nappy between their legs and onto their tummy. If you have a newborn, ensure that you take care around the area where the umbilical cord was attached.

Unstick the tabs from the back of the nappy pull them around and stick them to front panel of the nappy. Ensure that the nappy is tight enough so that it will not fall off.

Now run your finger around the edge of each leg of the nappy to ensure that the edge of the frill is out. If it is not, you are in for a very unpleasant surprise the next time you come to change them.

Now, if you are unfortunate enough to be changing one of your baby’s first nappies you will be encountering a tar-like substance called meconium. This is your baby’s first faeces and is the remnants of the amniotic fluid they have been swallowing whilst in the womb.

It is dark green to black, sticks to everything and all you have to combat it, is a small piece of cotton wool and some warm water. Perseverance and patience are key; it does come off……… eventually.

As your baby gets older you can replace the warm water and cotton wool with wet wipes. You will find the cleaning abilities of these a miracle and start using them to clean up everything; they can even remove a red wine stain from a cream carpet.

The process for older babies and toddlers is exactly the same as described above. However the more mobile they get the more fraught changing them is, there is nothing like seeing your 10 month old covered from head to toe in who knows what disappearing across the bed.

How are you going to explain that to your partner when she comes home and sees the sheets.