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Can you do nothing right, is your partner irrational, unusually emotional and prone to random mood swings???? If the answer is yes, and she has just had a baby then she may have the baby blues………..if no baby, good luck with that!!! The baby blues are the bane of a lot of new father’s lives, as most new mums will go through them at some point, be it for a couple of days or a couple of weeks. The important thing, as the new dad, is that you are supportive and understanding to your partner. Let’s face it, she has just gone through enormous physical and mental stress giving birth to your new baby and will be feeling drained, tired and her hormones will be all over the place. Now she is faced with a brand new baby to look after and everything that goes with it, the breast feeding, the sleepless nights and all of the visitors.
What can you do to help???
- The number one thing is to reassure her that she is an excellent mum, and that this is all perfectly normal.
- Try not to react to the mood swings, as difficult as it maybe, remember that this is going to get better, so just grin and bear it.
- Let her recover from the ordeal of child birth, try and help out as much as possible with the new baby. Heaven forbid, you may also need to help out with the house work, a bit of hovering, dusting and ironing your own shirt for work is not going to kill you.
- If possible try to get family to help out as well, however if she can not stand your mother, don’t invite her to stay for two weeks, this will guarantee you a worse time of it and maybe a divorce.
- Try to take care of the visitors yourself. Your partner is not going to want to stand on ceremony and look after guests in the first few weeks. Try to set expectations for visitors and limit visits to an hour or so in duration. If there are people that your partner doesn’t get on with, you may have to try to keep them away until your partner is feeling more up for a visit.
- If possible arrange for some pampering for her, she may not be feeling up for a full spa weekend, but she may appreciate you organising a massage or pedicure for her while you look after the baby for an hour or so. At the very least look after baby while she goes out for a coffee with some friends, the change of scenery will do you both the world of good.
- Ensure that she is getting a healthy diet. You may have to learn to cook, as she will be tired from looking after baby all day. Eating a balanced diet is essential for new mum, especially if breast feeding, it is all too easy to let eating habits slip and start living on ready meals and take away.
- Look into somewhere family orientated to go away for the weekend, such as CentreParcs or similar. Although you may not be able to go away immediately, having something organised to look forward to may well raise her spirits. Also the fact that you have thought and organised something in advance will win you brownie points.
The baby blues are very similar to the first signs of post natal depression (PND), which is an altogether different thing. The baby blues do not require your partner to visit the Dr, and with your support should be over and done with in a couple of weeks. If the symptoms carry on for longer than two or three weeks, if your partner is completely incapacitated, severely depressed or thinking of self harm, she should visit the Dr immediately. Your Dr will be able to diagnose and prescribe treatment which will help clear the PND much quicker than trying to cope by yourselves.
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