For our “viewing entertainment”, there seems to be a never ending supply of fly-on-the wall programs showing wailing women in various states of agitation and pain. The reality is, usually, very different. You see in the movies that the woman clutches her stomach and shouts at her man to get the car to take her to the hospital as quickly as possible.  Of course this does happen, however, what you never see in the movies are the false alarms, which can be numerous and over a period of weeks.  The movies never show you this because, lets face it, it wouldn't be the most enjoyable film to watch. There are in fact 3 stages of labour and these are not surprisingly called the first, second and third stages. It’s important that you know about these, in particular the first and second stages, because you will be able to assist your partner in monitoring her contractions and try to keep her as comfortable as possible.

Labour is basically the time during which the woman's body adapts to enable the baby to be born.  Let's get something straight now...there is no fixed time for labour. As we always say, in our experience, the whole birthing process from start to finish doesn’t come with a rule book.  Labour itself can be very quick but it can also take place over a period of hours or days.  Yes, we do mean days. This is why we emphasize that you need to be prepared, not only to be there and support your partner, but be prepared yourself as well. If the due date is on 1st March and the baby comes two weeks early or is late by ten days have you, for example, sorted this flexibility with work? Have you got all the gear you need? (See our articles on due dates and survival kits for some helpful tips).

In the first stage of labour, the primary aim is to allow the woman's cervix to shorten and then open so that it is fully dilated. You will hear the word dilated lots of times during labour, and the magical number that you are waiting to hear is 10. When your midwife or doctor says that your partner is 10cm dilated, i.e. her cervix has a
diameter of 10cm, she is fully dilated and ready to give birth.

This first stage can take a while and contractions, or labour pains as they are sometimes known, can be a fair way apart and very irregular. As the labour process continues and your partner approaches the second stage of labour these contractions will become more regular and considerably stronger. Your partner will be in what is called established labour when the contractions are coming regularly, say every 5 minutes, and her cervix is 4cm dilated. Getting to the 10cm stage may have been incredibly quick or very slow there are no hard and fast rules.

The second stage of labour, from the dad's point view is what it’s all about. It is what the man in the street would call the birth itself and by that we mean when she actually pushes the baby out.  It is usually this stage that your partner will be going through the roof with her contractions, which will now be very close together, and grabbing every pain relief product available to man as well as your hand, arm, or anything else you are unfortunate enough to get within her vice-like grip. (For the record our top tip is not for you to complain that she is squeezing your hand too hard at this stage as this will not gain any brownie points!!)

The third stage of labour is perhaps misleading in its title, because this is actually when your baby is fully out and when your partner has also pushed out the placenta. This is the organ that looks after your baby by supplying nutrients, oxygen and the mum’s antibodies whilst the baby grows in the uterus. Many dads
don’t notice or don’t have much to do with the placenta part because they are too busy trying to deal with their own emotions at being a dad! You may however wish to cut the umbilical cord which is the cord that attaches your baby to the placenta. Some dads can’t think of anything worse but other dads feel that it is the best way of really feeling part of the process and it can be a great bonding and emotional moment.

Our advice is that you discuss this option with your partner and include this in your birth plan. We would also suggest that you discuss this with your medical advisers. If ,for example, there was an emergency, you are unlikely to have the option. Equally if you are slightly squeamish and don’t like the sight of blood we
suggest you stay well away. Not the coolest or most helpful to your partnerif you faint at this stage. All that said, get the cigars and the mobile because, "congratulations!", you have joined the dad's club.